just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
