she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
