I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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