I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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