He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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