i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
