I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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