I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
