Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
