I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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