she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
