gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
