is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
