thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
