I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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