you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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