if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
