we have pet lesbian snakes
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
