I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
