He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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