I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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