fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
