i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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