Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
