hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
