I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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