the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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