Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
