Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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