Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
