I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
