Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
