I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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