nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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