Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
