I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
