ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
