Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
