I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
