Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
