so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
