I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Text me some of your sweat
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
