If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
smell my finger.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
