my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
