It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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