I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
