hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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