i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
