if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
