wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I want to be your penis for a week.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
