it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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