just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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